What was our mistake?
by Incarceron
Summary: When I asked him what he thought of me the night we met, Lovino said playfully he hated me for disarming him, but adored my smile. Now he doesn't care for what I say and never looks at my smiles. Hatred won the battle at the end / After Tony and Lovino's love seemed to have died, Tony decides to go through their life together wondering what have gone wrong. R&R please.
1. First night

**Right now I'm on a little project about the exploration of love. In this fic I'm working the slow dying of love. I don't think it will take much though, we'll see. I could have choosen any other of my OTPs to do this fic but one of my favourite characters is Spain and I find that many people treat him as any Happy-Go-Lucky without much wits, but in Hetalia he isn't such thing, remember the episode when he warns Italy about how lucky he is being on his own right before Holy Rome took him. So, I made this an Spamano fic to add some depth to the character, came on, he deserves it. No more preambles! Please, read and review, every review is a warm hug to me.**

* * *

The clicks of forks and knives were all the noise coming from the table that night, and every night since some time now. God bless TV, as it has filled so many silences that didn't want to be disturbed. The push of a chair anounces the end of this symphony of what was supposed to be there, but there's not. I hate this song so much. I've listened to it so many times that if I have one more night of it I'll just stand up and leave, I promise. And there it cames, the words, every night the same ones, that break the silance and put a conclusion to the piece.

"I've finished, are you coming to bed?" Said Lovino.

"I never lose hope" I muttered, head bowed. At first, when things about us started to go wrong, it was meant to have a double meaning. On one hand, I never lost hope of beating my insomnia, on the other hand, I never lost hope of bringing back some love to our relationship. Now it has lost all meaning.

Lovino turned around without really listening to my words and headed into the bedroom. However, I didn't intend to follow him, it was all too hard to lay besides him like if he was a stranger. Instead, I got up, turned off the telly and started to wash the dishes. As the water run down my hands I run through the possibilities of what could I do to pass the hours untill morning. I guess I could read, but no, I disregarded that option long ago, I got too excited reading and the little sleep I could have found I lost, and that night I needed to rest. I could knit, I did for a few months long ago and it was fine, I became sleepy and relaxed. But Lovino joked so much that I stopped. Those were the good old times... Anyway we don't use sweaters and we don't have much room to keep useless things in this tiny appartment in Naples... Not like in our former house in Spain... but no, I don't want to think about that right now.

While I whipped my hands on a clean cloth I looked towards the closed door of the bedroom, then sat on the sofa and sighed. When did everything started to go wrong? I remember when we met...

* * *

That night Madrid intended to gather as many foreigns currently in Spain as possible. It was called "El botellón internacional", what literally meant The international big bottle. Actually, "Big bottle" hasn't an official translation, it is an open-air drinking session that most of times wasn't entirely legal, mostly because of the underaged getting drunk and that the place where this things can be held are very restricted so most of times Big Bottles are organised somewhere hidden rather than where it is permitted. The "Botellón" has a double function. On one hand it's a cheap way to drink good alcohol with your friends and avoid the bad and expensive drinks served in pubs. On the other hand, it is the perfect place to meet new people and introduce friends as the clubs and discos people go afterwards are too noisy to talk.

Tonight, it was an activity planned by the Town Hall as part of the "International Day" some new invention of the Mayor. Therefore, me and all my friends from the Erasmus programme were there.

"Hey Tony, Francis, come here, the awesome me is going to introduce you to my almost awesome stiff little brother!" Gilbert's pale face was already getting red and his speech, clumsy. "This is Ludwig and his boyfriend Feliciano, and the grumpy one besides is Lovino, Feliciano's big brother" Gilbert went on pointing straight at them and Lovino looked like he wanted to bite the finger off.

"A pleasure" I said, begining to get drunk myself. "Why have you came?"

"I'm wondering the same" Lovino muttered, but no one seemed to pay attention.

"Ve~ I like Spain very much and Ludwig wanted to visit his brother"

The conversation went on in a blur of drinks, shouts, sentences half-finished, and jokes and anecdotes; but I wasn't listening. I was curious about that boy who seemed willing to be anywhere else and didn't deign to talk to the others. Finally I approached him.

"Hey, Lovino, you don't look very happy here" I smiled.

"You don't say" He snorted.

"Is there a reason for that attitude?"

He seemed taken aback. "No, not really, I just don't like being surrounded by extrangers"

"But you aren't doing anything to change that"

For a moment the heavily accented Italian looked at a loss of words but soon enough he out burst annoyed. "Are you suggesting I should chit caht with everyone here when I could just stay at home?"

A crazy idea came to my mind. With a crooked smile I looked at him. "Plan B, then" I grabbed his forarm and made a run for it. Before the bewildered young boy could complain we were a few hunderds of meters away.

"What the hell is going on with you? Are you mad or something? Wha-"

"You didn't want to be there, did you?" I interrupted a little breathless. "Madrid at night looks great. When did you arrived? Have you seen the city already?"

"Actually no, we landed at 8 pm. My brother insisted on sightseeing but I wanted to rest. In fact, I'm here because Feliciano made me promise I would come if he let me stay for the rest of the evening."

His hands in his pockets and his eyes on the pavement, Lovino walked beside me under the lamp-lights back into the city centre. After a few seconds of silence I smiled at his frown. "I'm happy your brother is so stuborn."

* * *

The rest of the night we spent strolling in Madrid until the phone calls of a very preocupied Feliciano and the mischievous Gilbert and Francis gathered us with them. That was the first time Lovino and I were a WE. And I loved every second of it. When we started dating and I asked him about what he thought of me that night. Lovino said playfully he hated me for disarming him with those obvious questions no one had asked before, but adored my smile. Now, he doesn't care for what I say and never look at my smiles. Hatred won the battle at the end.

Until the small hours of the night I replayed as much as I could remember of our conversation that night. Finally I slept a light sleep, thinking. What on earth have gone wrong between us?

* * *

**Well, here it is. ****Generally speaking everything I told about the customs in "botellón" in Spain is 100% true and self experienced, but as far as I'm concerned, there is no "international day" the way I descirbe it. I say this because I like to destroy false stereotypes and inform about Spanish nowadays culture.**

**One last thing, maybe you noticed, this Lovino isn't a cusser because there isn't going to be any rated M situation and I prefered to keep it a T rather than a soft M.**

**Let me now if you liked it, or if you didn't, every review is precious to me. If I don't recieve any I'll give up this story eventually.**


	2. Second day

**Long later, the second chapter arrives. Let's see if you like this one. The flash-backs aren't going to be chronollogical. **

**By the way, I don't own hetalia, in case any unlikely suspicions were rised.**

* * *

"Came on, stop lazing about and wake up, you got to go to work in an hour" The next morning I woke up in the sofa to Lovino's husky voice. After the first yawn I remembered I fell asleep there while thinking of how we met.

"Won't you ever wake me with a nice word?" At first my voice came out resigned but quickly changed into irony. That I longed for the time when we were in good relations didn't mean it was all Lovino's fault. I could be peevish at times too. In fact, remembering the good moments just made me more easily angry at the comparison. "Just to add a little interest to our lifes, you know. I will go to sleep every night with the intrigue if it will be an odd pleasant call, or your usual snaps" The last part wasn't intended for Lovino to hear, but he did. His face went blank just before turning very red.

"What!?" _Uh-oh, here it goes another argument_. The next, he articulated very slowly, but quickly sped up the speach. "What have you said? Do you think I am your maid or something? You don't even thank me that I keep you from arriving late every morning! You could buy a damn alarm clock if it bothers you that I wake you up,_ my lord._"

"Is it too much may be? Is it too much that I ask for a little kindness?" Now I was standing up and getting angrier every second. "You even spoke more sweetly to our cat when it lived"

"Oh! Maybe it didn't gave me any reasons to be upset"

"WHAT HAVE I DONE?"I shouted reaching up my hands to the ceiling. We didn't thought about our neightbours anymore, they were used to us. "I've been asking you that same thing since the day we met. What have I done to constantly deserve those manners of yours?"

Lovino fell silent again, his lips pressed together in a thin line as to keep the words from spilling. Finally he narrowed his eyes and lowered the tone again. "You know what? Do as you like, I'll have breakfast outside" Then Lovino slammed the door behind him and I fell on the sofa.

I rubbed my face with my hands and sighed heavily. "How do we always end up arguing?" It was long since I stopped looking for an answer to that actual question. In fact, the most memories I had about our life together is a constant argument. I still remember our first big one.

* * *

After that night at the International Day, Lovino stayed for a few more days and then our relationship continued on-line and on the phone. I didn't have much hope about our future together now we were appart, he was going to start university and I was pretty sure he was going to meet someone he could actually touch and kiss, not just speak to through Skype. It made me sad, of course, I was begining to love Lovino when he came back to Italy, but I had already resigned. Nevertheless, Lovino surprised me one day. He decided to study university in Spain, in Madrid with me. I was ecstatic. Little I knew our arguments would start so soon afterwards.

We were having a walk in a street market a sunny september morning. The university course had just started and Lovino was still learning his way round the city. The market was colorful and lively, the smell of species, the shouts of the grocers, the almost chocking multitude gathering at the stalls. It felt as if all the life had been drawn toghether to that actual spot. The food stalls were to the right, the clothing on the left and toys and strange devises all among them. We weren't looking for anything in particular, just strolling aimlessly, enjoying each others company. At least I was enjoying it. Lovino, though, was arms folded and frowning at everything around.

"Hey Lovino, look at this" In a weak attepmt to help him relax I picked from a nearby counter a tomato toy with eyes and mouth and arms and a guitar that sang and moved. Lovino just sneered and looked away.

I sighed "Are you hungry? I know a wonderful caffe just around the corner with the best churros of the whole city"

"Fine" That was all he said.

I tryed to place an arm around his shoulder in concerne but he shrugged me off before I could say a word. "What happens, Lovino?"

"What are you doing? Are you training to become a clown or something?" Lovino blurt out and I didn't know how to react.

"Well, I... I don't know, I was trying-"

"What? To win the prize of the silliest of the city? Because you'll get it" His arms crossed on his chest weren't more friendly than his face.

"Sorry, you didn't have to respond like that anyway" I mumbled feeling humiliated. "What was my mistake?"

"Nothing" I was bewildered. And I burst.

"No, there have to be something, or you just make a fuss over _nothing_? I was just trying to cheer you up. Would you prefer me to ignore you?"

"No, of course not" Lovino looked sideways sheepishly, still frowning.

"Well, what then? You can't react like that over _nothing_"

"Don't tell me what I can't do, bastard!" Lovino was getting furious.

"Yes, I do. I've done nothing but caring for you, definetily not a reason for you to insult me or being angry"

"I'm not angry, you moron!" We were both shouting and everybody around us was staring but we weren't noticing it.

"I won't let you treat me like that. Listen, I was trying to be friendly. I don't mind your constant swearing as long as it isn't directed to me without a reason" Lovino stood bewildered but soon recomposed and turned away striding to no particular place while muttering under his breath.

I sighed and followed, apologetically. "Oh, come on Lovin-"

"No, leave me alone" He spat angrily. _Oh god..._ I inmediatly started to regret being so harsh... but he continued. "Piss off bastard, can't you follow simple instructions?"_  
_

Thinking twice, I haden't been hard at all. I did want to make things up but I felt it wasn't the moment. _Maybe we both should take a while to calm down._

I spent some more time pacing between the stalls, looking at anything in particular and trying to guess how Lovino and I were going to reconcile. The scenarios I imagined went from Lovino packaging and flying back to Italy to running to the flat and having sex on the spot. I sighed again. The later didn't look very likely judging on the mood. But it wasn't my fault, right? It wan't me the one being difficult... And I wasn't clowning... was I? Lovino didn't always felt at ease among a lot of people, was I pushing him, maybe? My mind kept turning in circles, no solution in sight. A couple hours later I was already worrying about where Lovino might be, I knew he couldn't come to our flat without getting lost, and I could imagine him wandering in the tube station in his stubbornness. I had already looked all over the square and the park beside to no avail.

Finally, I saw him at the furthest end of the park, kicking stones with a sullen expression on his cute ever-frowning face and fidgetting with something. I approached silently from behind. "Hi"

The boy jumped in surprise, turned around and hid whatever he had behind his back, then answered shyly. "Hi" For a moment, we stayed in awkward silance.

I sighed for the umpteenth time that day. "I'm sorry, I didn't..."

Lovino stepped forward, his eyes still fixed on the ground, and pressed something rounded against my chest and muttered very quickly. "No. You were right, I was over reacting"

"What?" I took the plastic object and found it was the tomato toy I randomly picked earlier and a smile crept to my lips.

"Like hell I'm going to repeat that!" He turned away folding his arms over his chest again and looking away.

"Oh Lovi!" I engulfed him into a bone-crushing hug grinning widely.

"Let me go, you bas-, I mean, Tony" That only made me laugh more but I let a bit loose, my arms still around him.

"I'll be less pushy if you are less short-tempered. Deal" I lowered my head until our foreheads were pressed together.

"Deal" Said Lovino, smiling for the first time in the afternoon, and planted a small kiss on my lips.

* * *

_But there is one problem to that deal,_ I thought,_ things just work if the two of us make an effort._ I indeed tryed to respect his bad temper, but he didn't try to control it, or if he did, it certainly didn't last long. And I could just stand so many insults from the one person I loved. When the arguments continued I ask Francis and Gilbert for advise. At first they were conciliatory, but eventually their suggestion was that I should split up and forget about the drama. Now I awknowledge my friends were right but, how could I break up if I still loved Lovino. It was childish, I know, but in my love-blinded mind every time they told me to finish with everything, my will to fix our realtionship and be a proper couple again just increased. It's stupid but even though we argued time after time, I still had hope.

_And now? What are you waiting for now? Why do you keep on with this?, _a part of me asked. _I don't know,_ hte other answered.

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**Please, applauses because I finally finished this chapter. Please, really, please, review, otherwise I'll never know why you don't like it and I'll never improve. Bye!**


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